Dear all,

I fully recognise none of you may be around any more now that the female-identified nipples have been scourged, but should you still roam these un-nippled halls I will shamelessly update you on my novel. One stops feeling guilt at self-promotion when your book’s on the way; there comes a point where you can no longer even stop, like a shark swims. You understand that to cease is to expire.

This link is to the cover of my book. The disembodied head up there is the head of my heroine. Please click through and examine. For sticking with me on this route, I will give you special information about this novel I don’t give anyone else; if you have read my fanfiction, or my short stories, or even my fanfiction and my short stories, I want to sit down warmly next to you and tell you exactly what kind of old bullshit I’m serving up to you all over again.

GIDEON THE NINTH is the story of seventeen dolts in a space shack trying to become God’s dead best friends. Here are some of the traditional heroic tropes I went with.

* GIRL FALLS FOR SICKLY COUGAR

* BAD LITTLE LEMONGRAB BOY STEEPLES FINGERS, A LOT 

* ASTEROID JUGGALOS HAVE A BONE RELIGION (That old chestnut!! - Ed.)

* TWINS BUT ONE TWIN IS A BEEFALO AND THE OTHER TWIN IS A POT OF YOPLAIT ZERO PERCENT YOGHURT

* HERO’S QUEST TO BECOME A NECROSOLDIER SPACE HUNKETTE ENDS PREMATURELY WHEN NO-TIDDY GOTH WITCH TRICKS HER INTO THE HUNGER GAMES (Biblical - Ed.) 

I have also put in a Sorting Hat system, just for you! One day you could align yourself with one of my beautiful Space Houses, which consist of:

* BORE HOUSE

* MTV’S CRIBS HOUSE

* MORON HOUSE

* YOUR MOM’S HOUSE

* DORK HOUSE

* POSER HOUSE

* ANTI HOUSE

* GOTH HOUSE

Bet you wish you’d thought of those, Rowling!!