Dear all,
Here we are back again. Those long nineteen days ago when Gideon the Ninth was unleashed onto the world, I could hardly contemplate linking you again to anything. But the truth is that Gideon the Ninth is one book of three, and the second book will be here sooner than you think (JUNE 2, 2020).
That’s a long time away?? Naw. I myself will provide you with bullshit nonsense content until time speeds past like a bus out of control, and by that point June 2 will feel like a sweet reprieve because maybe I’ll stop talking about it. Psyche!! At that point I’ll simply start talking about Alecto the Ninth, a title my publishers misread because it’s actually my romance novel “Alec to Theninth”, a spiritual sequel to “From Justin to Kelly” about a guy who has a speech difficulty and meets plural clones of a Russian revolutionary politician and (Tighten this one up - Ed.)
Taking a twist for the contemporary, HARROW THE NINTH is the story of one girl’s sexual awakening at Bible camp, surrounded by wasps, unwanted nudes, and elderly swingers. It is also a story about how absolutely nothing happened the way you thought it did. Here are some of the traditional contemporary tropes I went with:
* PROTAG GETS A LIFE-CHANGING MAKEOVER
* PROTAG TROUBLED BY FLAWLESS MARKS IN HIGH SCHOOL NOT TRANSLATING OVER INTO UNIVERSITY
* DINNER PARTY RUINED BY FAUX PAS
* DESPITE MULTIPLE GIRLS BEING INTERESTED PROTAG PINES OVER THE ONE GIRL WHO ISN’T, WHICH IS JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING TYPICAL
* HORRIBLE LEMONGRAB WOMAN STEEPLES FINGERS, A LOT
* DROVE MY CHEVY TO THE LEVEE BUT THE LEVEE WAS GHOSTS
* SO LIKE, WHAT IF THE PAST, LIKE… WASN’T ACTUALLY… THE PAST, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? (TAKES HUGE NECROBONG HIT)
I have also put in some new characters, but not TOO many! You may want to get familiar with them now. Tag yourself!
* GOD
* THREE ASSHOLES
* IANTHE
June is just a tomorrow away.
Have you ever wanted to read the first two chapters of GIDEON THE NINTH for no money? Now you can, as well as reading free excerpts from authors including Sarah Gailey, JY Yang and Brian Naslund! It’s cheap as free!!!
These two chapters are some of my favourites from the novel because they involve Gideon failing to come up with believable names for monthly porn magazines. This is the type of quality content you have come to expect from me, and I deliver.